How I got here I am sleeping next to the door of a tent which sleeps eight people, four dogs, and me... well they are all asleep either inside the tent or next door to it. All this is happening because we live in another country that has its language, a different culture, and has no need for translation. It means there is no way to communicate with our neighbors and if by chance they hear us talking in English we will have to say loudly to them "I'm not the only one in the apartment". We have to be good friends with them as well as ourselves because we have grown up together and our families are very close.
We can't go out for walks in the forest, we cannot use public transport, but that doesn't happen often. There are always exceptions, such as when we need something to eat and there are no restaurants. This happens from time to time because sometimes we can't eat at home and we have to come into town and take something to market. But we don't have to give in to this. Some mornings I can stay up late at night watching TV on my laptop while others have to get up earlier than usual so they can walk their dog outside. But I don't watch television, I look after myself. Most of the time I am doing laundry, wash dishes, fry eggs, and make coffee with some tea that I brew in the kitchen using hot water, so I can't leave my house without something to drink. If we have had a long day or a bad day, instead of getting angry I try to keep it off until the next day. Sometimes I get caught up in work, I don't have enough time to shower before my meeting and if I go to bed it looks like I just slept in my bed; I need to change out of the black T-shirt I wore yesterday and into some sort of clean shirt and pants, usually white t-shirts with a few stripes. The T-shirt is now leftover and my clothes are in piles in the cupboard and my shoes are waiting for me to put them back on. You have to wear many layers of clean clothes, especially if you live in an apartment building that's two stories high and you live alone. Sometimes I make do with a pair of old sweaters and long skirts because otherwise I would be tempted to sleep wearing my T-shirt, jeans, shorts, etc. I might wear a t-shirt with a pair of shorts underneath, then shorts and underpants and under-shorts because it would be too cold, but the t-shirt would still be warm for winter and I would be safe from frostbite. These days it's common to see someone coming down with flu so they wear their shirts tucked away in the inside pockets, jeans, shorts, etc. They also use a jacket when coming in for work, a T-shirt, jeans, and shorts and they have a variety of hats instead of just hats. And they have many pairs of socks. And even though these are not normal I am still used to them. To have at least two sets of underwear on at any given moment. I don't do fancy dressing but I choose what I can wear when I am outdoors. In summer there is less movement and I might decide to dress up in t-shirts and shorts and sandals that I have worn so far, but in the cooler months you can get more comfortable in your t-shirts and shorts and you might feel better wearing nice blouses, dresses, and suits. For the colder months, you could get a heavy bomber or parka, but I prefer warm clothing like a T-shirt, jeans, trousers and some kind of blouse, even jeans I'm never so old-fashioned for them. So yes, I wear several nice pieces of clothing that I have worn in the past. I wear the same clothes and they are the same every day but if I have a favorite piece of cloth, I can get dressed the same way that always has been the case. Not much gets changed in those days. I think about when I was younger when I did things I didn't give a thought to until recently. Now it seems ridiculous to me that I would never think about something like going to the mall. It's become part of life, just like air conditioning and I just have to get used to it. Back then I wasn't sure whether I wanted air conditioning, I just knew that I needed it, I didn't know how it worked, and I didn't know what was needed or what my options were and of course, I didn't know it was connected to airplanes. So all of my memories are connected with airplanes.
I can remember when I first went to the airport and I saw the rows and rows of planes when I found out that each plane has only 12 seats and that it takes around 30 minutes to get there, when I found out that the airport is very crowded and lots of people are standing beside me, and when I first flew I was afraid that all of those little details, all of my questions about flying, were just going to disappear, I wasn't aware of the fact that they had become part of me and I couldn't possibly leave them. I loved those old days when I could fly to the nearest airport in my neck of the woods (and still do) and stay the whole weekend there. At those times when I felt like flying, I would often lie awake till the wee hours of the morning feeling anxious, scared, and afraid, but instead, I would dream about getting away from home, getting rid of all the possessions and baggage that people were dragging for one reason or another. When I was looking out over the city from my window and I looked forward and I saw the sun setting in the sky. That was my happy place. I was free and I wouldn't want that. Today I look forward to having the freedom of moving around anywhere I want to. The reality of being stuck in a house with no air conditioning. One reason I love living here is because of a neighbor who is always trying to help me and he lets me cook meals that I didn't expect and he makes sure that he cooks, which brings joy because I can't imagine myself cooking for other people and I can't imagine myself eating for anyone else or being able to share it with him or the guests in the restaurant. And I can't imagine myself getting ill at the age of 65 with a cough, sore throat, and no one caring about it. I can imagine, however, that I would never feel unwell if I stayed in my bed all the time, but that does not mean that I don’t change my mind and that I am going to continue working a job, taking care of my family, keeping the fires burning, putting on long-sleeved tops and making dinner every night when I am in the kitchen or front of my fire. As I write this I find myself struggling to decide which mattress I should get, with the ones I've had since last year, as they just sit there looking pretty yet no longer comfy, but still soft and very comfortable; and I've tried almost all of the new fluffy ones, but I never really got the comfort I wanted. Then there are the old mattresses and pillows. In my opinion, they are best because they do not seem to require more sleep, they're not big and I can move around the bedroom a lot easier between midnight and 6 am and I don't know if they would be the perfect sleepers for me anymore, but my boyfriend insists that I take them as they are the last two years. They are perfectly padded and have a nice texture with a thick cover that helps the mattress breathe every night. So I will probably take them this Christmas, along with three weeks' worth of extra pillowcases that my mom bought for me. But it will still be hard to move out of bed on Christmas Eve and everyone knows that it's Christmas, so it won't be easy to get up and have breakfast, I might not be able to see any relatives for weeks but I still I'll be okay because my dad is a decent sort of person and I would only leave him if he got sick and died, not have to worry about it. I guess I would be glad to get out of here at least for short periods if I can because then I could have a chance to travel around different countries and I could learn how to speak a lot more than I have ever spoken before.
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